The Three Strikes Rule

I worked in a few day cares after high school.  My favorite was a small day care and preschool ran by an amazing lady.  I learned so much about disciplining and child behavior from her.  Between her example and my Dad's, I developed what I call a three strikes rule.  It's not as much three strikes, but three steps to get children to do what you ask, and when to discipline if they don't.

First strike: This is when you give your child a request:  Please clean your bedroom.  Please get dressed for school.  Make sure you have their attention, and try to stay light-hearted about it. They haven't disobeyed yet; there's no reason to be short.

Second strike: If they choose not to listen, approach them again.  Eye contact works well to make sure you have their attention.  Ask them, "What did I just ask you to do?"  And wait for them to reply.  That way they can't pull the whole "I didn't hear you" schtick.  If they have acknowledged your request and know what you want, after that any disobedience is willful and punishable.  Lastly, lay out the consequence if they choose not to listen.  "If you choose not to clean your bedroom, you will not be able to watch the Family Movie with us later today."  Or will have to sit in the time-out, or not play at a friend's house, or whatever form of discipline you deem appropriate. Have them acknowledge with an "I understand" or "okay".  Again, no more "I didn't knows".

This is where some kids may try to compromise.  "After I'm done with this level on my game", or things like that.  Whether you compromise or not is up to you.  If you do, make sure the game plan is clear for both of you so you both know what to expect.

Third strike:  If they still don't follow through on what is asked of them, that's the third strike.  They're out!  Enact the discipline as stated in strike two.  And be consistent.  No extra chances, no begging or pleading, just do it.  If you don't, they'll learn that you don't mean what you say and you become less effective in your ability to teach them and discipline as needed.

If the job is one that takes longer, like cleaning a very messy bedroom, kids may get distracted.  (Adults may get distracted, too.  Be realistic.)  A quick "What are you supposed to be doing?"  and "What is the consequence if you don't?" is usually enough to put them quickly back on track.  Be frugal with these reminders, though.  Too many and the kids start to feel they're getting away with something.

As you become more consistent, your child may fight you.  Especially if they're not used to be disciplined consistently.  You're going to wonder if it's worth it.  It is.  Stay the course.