Quiet time

In "Parenting that Works", Dr.'s Christopherson and Mortweet give a simple hint to encourage children to talk to their parents.  I decided to try this hint and thought I'd report my progress to you.

They encourage "Quiet Time".  This isn't where Mom makes the kids be quiet because they're on her last nerve.  This is where the kid gets carte blanche to talk about anything on their minds.  All you have to do is be quiet.  Most people, even young kids, want to fill the silence.  Mom and/or Dad just listen.  They don't offer advice, try and probe for more information, or judge in any way.  Just let them talk.  

I decided to try this with my Bub.  I couldn't get him to say a word about school.  We'd walk 10 minutes home, and I'd try all the questions I could think of to get him to talk:  What was your favorite part of the day?  What did you learn today?  Who did you play with at recess?  What was your favorite center?  And I got nothing from him.  "I dunno."  "Nothing."  "No one."  "I dunno."  

So I decided to be quiet.  No questions, no probing.  Just quiet.  The first couple of days he didn't really say much.  But as he got used to our new status quo, he started talking.  And talking.  Now, when I pick him up from school, I get an immediate 10 minute rundown of everything that happened that day.  "Jordan and I played Minecraft at recess and Alyza drew hearts on my paper and my teacher said my paragraph was really funny and I should write another sentence and...and...and...."

I never knew this kid could talk so much.  All it took for me to be quiet.  He knows those 10 minutes are his time to talk.  Now, that's not to say that we never address the things he talks about.  Trust me; when he brought home the paper with hearts drawn it by Alyza, we had a little talk about Alyza.  Just not during quiet time.  

I highly recommend implementing this technique with your children. 

Book Review: Parenting That Works (and my first give-away!)

Parenting That Works by Edward R. Christophersen, PhD and Susan L. Mortweet, PhD is probably my favorite parenting book.  My friend Suzie recommended it to me a few years ago.  I was struggling with my Dolly at mealtimes.  She was throwing food and being disruptive during mealtimes.  I had tried every trick I knew, and I just couldn't manage her behavior.

Suzie read this book when she was in college to become a teacher.  It was required reading in a psychology class.  I'm going to be bold and say it should be required reading for all parents.  The ideas talked about lay a solid foundation for so many different facets of parenting.

Dr’s Christophersen and Mortweet encourage teaching behavior that’s going to serve children in the long run.  They encourage you to develop a 10 year plan: what are your goals for your children in 10 years?  Do you want them to be voracious readers?  Love the arts?  Love learning and focus on homework before playing video games?  What about sports?  Whatever your goals are for your child, you need to begin teaching those skills now.

They believe that the best way to teach children behavior is to model it for them.  From teaching manners, self-quieting skills, and independent play, make sure you model these behaviors for them.

They are also big believers in positive reinforcement.  Whether it's a wink, a hair tousle, or a verbal compliment when they demonstrate a skill you've been teaching, your reward for their behavior will encourage them to continue that behavior.  They also believe the biggest motivator for children’s behavior is time with Mom or Dad.  I’ve found that to be true with my own kids – a promise of “together time” with Mommy or Daddy is a great motivator for good behavior.

They cover specific parenting topics: your child’s behavior away from home, getting the most out of toys, games, and sports, and dealing with toilet training, bedtimes, tantrums and whining, and aggression. 
 
I have used so many of their ideas with my children, and continually refer back to certain sections as my children grow and new challenges are presented.  I just finished my second reading of it cover to cover, and it was as helpful this time through as it was the first time. 

Since I love this book so much, I'm giving away a copy!  See below for four chances to win.  Good luck!!

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Book Review: The No Cry Sleep Solution

I read this book solely because an awesome Mom that I know relied on it for getting her kids to sleep.  I was knew I already liked The Baby Whisperer, but figured it wouldn't hurt to expand my repertoire and possibly add a few tools to my arsenal.

The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley is written for parents who don't like their babies to cry at all.  She tested her theories on 50 babies, guiding their mother's through her plan.  Most of the mothers had very good experiences in teaching their babies to sleep without crying.  These babies ranged in age from newborns up to babies who were over a year old.  The mothers were frustrated and were ready for help.  Their experiences are included throughout the book.

Most of Elizabeth's methods are very gentle, but aren't going to have immediate results.  Her methods are slow, and if you're really sleep-deprived and desperate, you might not have the patience to wait it out.  But if you're dedicated to teaching your baby to sleep without crying, it's going to be a great resource for you.

I would even recommend it for parents before their baby is born.  Some of her methods can be used to teach a baby to sleep on their own from the beginning.

My only problem with the book came towards the end.  She passed judgement on a mother who chose to have her baby in a stroller instead of out, socializing and being held.  It felt very "holier than thou," and left a bad taste in my mouth about her and how she views parents who parent differently than her.

Other than that, I think it is an awesome resource to add to one's parenting toolbox. 

Book Review: The Baby Whisperer Solves All Your Problems

The Baby Whisperer was my first book as I started learning more about this whole parenting schtick.  When my oldest daughter was born, I thought "Oh, mother's intuition will tell me what to do."  Well, it didn't really work out the way I thought it would.  When she was about 9 months old, we finally decided the only way to get her to sleep on her own was to let her cry it out.  And I hated every last minute of it.  It took a little under a week, just like everyone said it would, and she was finally falling asleep without having to be rocked, fed, bounced, cuddled, etc. for hours on end. 

Four years later, enter kid #2.  I knew, absolutely knew, there was no way I could go through that again.  Every fiber in my being said that crying it out wasn't right.  Fortunately in those 4 years, my sisters started to have babies.  And they were smarter than me: they read baby books.  And they recommended The Baby Whisperer by Tracy Hogg and Melinda Blau. 

Let me tell you friends, this book was just what I needed.  Tracy Hogg was a postpartum nurse in England.  Through her work with new mothers, she developed a series of hints and tips to teach your babies to eat and sleep without more tears than needed.  She teaches you about the acronym EASY.  Babies (E)at, have their (A)wake time, (S)leep, and then you get (Y)ou time while they sleep.

She emphasizes that this is not a schedule.  You don't look at the clock and say, "It's only 2:45, and though you're screaming hungry, you can't eat until 3:30."  It's a routine.  You feed baby when they're hungry.  You put them to sleep with they're tired.  You might be an hour or two off from day to day, but you, your baby, and any other children know what to expect next.

She has amazing tips on knowing how much to feed your baby, and how to tell if they're full.  She gives great information on how to transition to solid foods, and when the time comes, how to wean baby.

She teaches how to know when your baby is tired, how to develop a bedtime routine, and how to get your baby to sleep without having to be nursed, rocked, or cuddled.  She doesn't believe in letting a baby cry it out.  But she does teach that some babies do okay teaching themselves to fuss to sleep, and she tells you how to tell the difference between an "I'm just tired and need to settle myself for a few minutes" fuss and an "I'm really mad and can't calm myself down" cry.  And for the latter, she has techniques for you to teach newborns on up to toddler age children how to fall asleep by their own devices, without leaving them to scream themselves to sleep alone in the dark. 

Tracy also has a section on personality types for children: Typical, Angel, Grumpy, Touchy, and Sensitive.  She has specific hints for working with each personality.

Now, as much as I love this book, there are a few caveats to keep in mind.  She goes into specific information about latching on for breastfeeding.  A lot of lactation consultants teach a different technique now.  She also advocates letting baby sleep on their side using a sleep positioner.  This has been shown to not be as safe as back sleeping for babies.  So when reading it and implementing her ideas, make sure you're being as safe as possible for your baby.

But despite these drawbacks, The Baby Whisperer is a fantastic book for Moms who need a little guidance in feeding and sleeping arena.  She teaches Moms to be compassionate to their baby's needs and respectful of their feelings.  And she instills confidence that so many Moms lack early in their baby's lives.