To Pay or Not to Pay... For Chores

It's the age old debate: do you pay your children to do their chores?

On one hand, children  should contribute to the cleanliness of the house, just like the adults.  It's part of being a member of the family.

On the other hand, in order to prepare children for "real life", when they grow up and have families and jobs of their own, we should pay them so they understand that hard work has it's rewards.  Besides, they need to have money in order to learn the value of saving and giving to charity.

On which side of the fence do you stand?  After a lot of discussion, Ryan and I decided to take the "Pay them" side of the debate; at least for now. 

In our house, there is "housework", and there are "chores".  Housework is the things that everyone needs to do every day(ish) in order to keep the house running and looking nice.  Things like making our beds, brushing our teeth, clearing our dishes after we eat, and picking up our toys after we play with them are all housework.

Chores are things like sweeping and mopping, vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms, and dusting.  They should be done on a weekly(ish) basis to keep our house clean.

Both housework and assigned chores need to be done daily.  If they do everything that is asked of them each day, they earn 30 minutes of game time the next day.  If they do everything all week, they get $1.  There are extra chores that can be done; things like washing baseboards and cleaning windowsills and washing light switch plates that can be done for either 5 minutes extra game time or 25 cents.

Right now, this is their "job": to learn how to take care of the house and learn the joy that comes from accomplishment.  As they get older, their emphasis will turn more towards the importance of good grades in order to get into college and find success there.  At that point we may start paying for grades instead of chores.  Whether that is Jr. High or High School we haven't decided; Bub is only in 2nd grade, so we have some time to sort it out.

But for now, I like the idea of teaching them that they get paid for their work.  It's motivating for them and I like to watch them get excited as their quarters add up.  They both have goals to use their money for, and occasionally have to make decisions to spend their money now on something shiny that catches their attention, or hold onto it to buy the item they're saving for.  I think it's good practice for them for "real life."

My Own Lessons From Frozen

Bloggers and other public personalities from around the world have their own interpretations of Frozen's themes.  From assertions that Elsa is a lesbian (I'm not even going to link it, I find it so ridiculous) to ideas of mending old, broken relationships, Frozen is full of lessons to be learned.  (Or lessons to be over-analyzed and mis-interpreted.) 

When I first saw the movie with my Dolly on Thanksgiving Day, I came home thinking about Elsa.  Elsa was born with an AMAZING talent.  It's understandable that their parents wanted to hide it though.  They were scared of it.  They didn't know how to teach her to use it.  And they wanted to protect Anna.  Unfortunately, they did it at a great expense: stifling Anna's power to the point where she could no longer control it.  They didn't know how to handle a daughter with such a great power.  She could have done so many amazing things.  But instead of being taught how to use that talent, it was hidden.  She was not only taught to NOT use it, she was actually taught that it was a bad thing. 

What if Elsa's parents had taught her, at a young age, to use her power instead of hiding it?  What if they taught her to use it under controlled circumstances, where she could do very little harm to others while she learned.  Granted, it wouldn't have made for as good of a movie.  But it would have made for a much healthier relationship between sisters, and a tremendous sense of self-worth for Elsa.  I love this video from the guys at "How it Should Have Ended".  I think they hit the nail on the head.

Have you had a child that had a really strong personality trait?  Maybe he is really bossy, kind of a know-it-all, and occasionally a little disrespectful when he feels like he’s not being listened to.  Maybe you have a child who is a ringleader; she’s always getting everyone in trouble.  She can convince the best behaved kid to go against their judgment.  

These kids have gifts.  Though it’s hard to see the gift through the trouble they get into.  Sometimes it seems like it’d just be easier to suppress the strong personality; discipline it out of them and make them compliant.  But these kids are leaders.  Their skills just need to be honed.  We have the opportunity to mold their amazing power into leadership skills that will serve them the rest of their lives.  They just need to be taught to use these skills for the right purposes.  And until their gift is controlled, it needs to be done under the careful, watchful eye of a parent or other adult so it minimizes the opportunity to strain relationships with siblings, friends, parents and teachers.

It’s a hard task we have, as parents, to take these children and mold them into their full potential.  But we can.  It takes patience, consistency, and time.  But to honor our child’s natural gifts will bring them the confidence they need to be the well-rounded, successful adults that they can be.

Your Children are a Reflection of You

I don't make my kids match their clothes.  Not usually, at least.  If we're going someplace that requires a certain level of dress (church or the theater or the like), I'll put be more insistent, but for school or running errands, I don't stress.  I'll tell them the clothes don't match and give them options that DO match, but I won't insist on them changing.

I've had people tell me that I SHOULD make them match, because, "Your kids are a reflection of you."  And they're not wrong.  Your kids ARE a reflection of you.  But I'd like to take a minute to think about what they're reflecting.


When we see kids whose clothes don't match, we may be inclined to think, "That Mom doesn't have it together enough to make her kids match their clothes," But I like an alternative train of thought:"That Mom is letting her kids be independent."  Learning to put together outfits is a life skill that they need to learn.  And like learning to walk, sometimes they're going to stumble and fall.

"Mommy!  I find good clothes today!  They're both green!  They match!"

But clothing is only one way that our children may be reflecting us.  When your son holds the door open for the people behind him, he's reflecting the good manners you taught him.  When your daughter tries to engage a fussy toddler in the cart behind us at the grocery store so their frazzled mother can unload the groceries onto the belt, she's reflecting the caring that we taught her.  When your toddler runs and holds your hands when you ask him to, they're reflecting the obedience that you taught him.  Those things say a lot more about us as parents and as people than how our kids are dressed.